by Franklin S. Tower
–Special to AWITP–
MULKITEO, WA – In a stunning power swap, the Minnesota Vikings tapped Cybergolf.com Editor-in-Chief Jeff Shelley to become their new head coach. In a related matter, former Vikings coach Brad Childress will become the new editor-in-chief of Cybergolf.
“From now on I will be editing Brett Favre’s texts,” quipped the affable Shelley, who’s defensive schemes have befuddled the CBSSports.com pick-up flag football squad in the annual summer tilt between the two magazines.
“We think Shelley’s combination of 3-4 run defense and AP editing style will take the Vikings in a new direction,” said Les Steckel, President of the team, which has lost four Super Bowls.
Meanwhile, Childress will move to the Pacific Northwest to tackle Shelley’s old post of editor.
“I don’t understand,” Childress groused. “These people don’t know anything about blocking schemes. And when do we play the Seahawks? I have a good third-down blitz package here somewhere, and Steve Habel should be a capable running back, but that Flemma guy doesn’t look like he’s tackled anything but a red-head or a brunette in the last ten years! What am I supposed to do with him? Kicker? Punter?”
The Vikings had rave reviews about the move. “I’m glad to see we got someone in with experience,” said Adrian Peterson. “This guy seems to understand parallel construction, and his mastery of trochees, spondees, and dactyls is unmatched. We’ll never lose a Grammar, Punctuation, or Spelling bee to the Cardinals ever again, that’s for sure…even with that dong-throwing hayseed at quarterback.”
Meanwhile Cybergolf personnel’s reaction was mixed.
“This Toads the Wet Sprocket,” griped noted iconoclast Jay Flemma. “He’s been here five seconds and sends my first piece to re-write because it didn’t compensate the hole in the A gap with a tight end blocker??!! No wonder he got fired by the Vikings! Doesn’t he know that the extra receiver in the play gives a safe check-down option?”
Cybergolf opens the Writers’ League flag football season against Sports Illustrated in late May.
“It is what it is,” explained Steve Habel. “Maybe it’ll be tougher getting plum assignments covering private courses, but I’ll trade a little of that for running over Alan Shipnuck on my way to spiking the ball in end zone. Let’s get it on!”
