ROME, NY (with correspondents in NEW HARTFORD, NY) – New Hampshire’s Skate Free or Die! women’s roller derby All-stars rode a second half surge to roll past the Utica Clubbers last night 80-56. Jammer Rosie “Melanie M. Falcon” Rossi led Skate Free, scoring 29 of her 34 points in the final thirty minutes and finishing with a sparkling +22 plus/minus ratio. Versatile star Angela “Chicana Bruzya” Vasquez, who played every position for New Hampshire, added 17 points as jammer, several hard hits as blocker and pivot, and took home MVP honors for her team.
“Chicana was a great all-around player, jamming, blocking, and doing whatever they needed all bout. She’s an excellent skater,” said Clubbers blocker Kim “The Chiropractor” Preston. “And Melanie showed off both her offensive and defensive talents as jammer. They are a tough, smart team.”
The win lifts Skate Free to 2-1, and washes away the bad taste of their last performance, a ghastly 117-33 loss in their home opener to the Garden State Roller Girls. They have won both of their away bouts this year, defeating the Green Mountain Derby Dames 79-72 in overtime. The loss dropped the Clubbers to 1-3. Kayla “Gutshot” Turner led Utica with 22 points and a +8 plus/minus ratio. Hard-hitting blocker Diana “Lady Die” Houck won MVP for the Clubbers.
Trailing at the half 41-29, Skate Free looked unlikely to rally. They were being dominated on the blocking line by the Clubbers. They were in a hostile arena which was riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave of derby euphoria, having already witnessed the first ever men’s bout in the region. And they were facing a focused Clubbers team eager to upset the heavily-favored N.H. squad and celebrate the biggest victory in team history.
But a streak of second half penalties on the Clubbers shifted the momentum. Skate Free outscored the Clubbers 36-0 in power jams in the final period, and a 51-6 run over the first 17 minutes of the second half put the bout away.
“We have a halftime ritual,” explains co-Captain Gina “SS Trixie” Kirby. “To regroup, we have a moment of silence, and then, one-by-one, we reflect on what went on. And we realized 12 points is just one or two jams, and if we played tight defense, we could chip away at the lead. But the important thing was to keep them at zero each jam. May B. Knotty [Claire Provencher to her friends], and Tank’d Girl [Katie Ambrose at home] – two of our jammers – did a great job defensive jamming. Defense first, that was the most important point.”
They succeeded. The Clubbers scored only six points over the next 27 minutes. “You know you’ve gone into full defensive mode when your jammer is blocking the other jammer off the line,” explained men’s derby star and expert analyst James “Rinkworm” Stanton. “It turned the bout around.”
Of course it did. No matter what sport you play, there is one infallible truth: Defense wins championships.
“We’re also a second half team,” added Trixie. “I think our nerves show up in the first half, especially if it’s a skater’s first bout. But we make good adjustments.”
“She’s right, we are a second half team,” added Melanie M. Falcon, whose derby number is “<12 parsecs," another Star Wars Joke, just like her name. "We were a lot more aggressive in the second half. We did a better job building walls and hitting their jammer. All our jammers did a great job sitting on their jammers so they couldn't get off the line." Melanie's 12-point power jam late in the second half opened up a 74-47 lead for New Hampshire with just four minutes to play, and effectively put the game out of reach.
There is also a second infallible truth in sports: you can't win games sitting in the penalty box, and penalties killed the Clubbers. After a remarkably clean first half, the Clubbers spent the second half paying rent on the penalty box while wearing puzzled looks.
"What's she in the box for this time?" derby fan Mo Austin shouted at the refs, as a confused Chiropractor skated off for what had to be the fourth time in the half, "was it complimenting Tank'd on her dress or wishing Chicana a Happy Mother's day?"
"Elevator! Elevator! We got the shaft!" joked another young derby fan.
Indeed, the refereeing had a few puzzling moments. Some skaters scored despite being clearly out-of-bounds, some skaters were credited with points despite never having initially passing the pack, and one got ejected for too many fouls only to be called back later when the refs realized they added her fouls incorrectly. Sometimes derby is as subjective as football or basketball - what's a foul or not? What's holding or pass interference? - but a few calls were strange. Luckily, they didn't affect the outcome of the bout and everyone skated off to the after-party in a good mood to celebrate the derby way: as life-long friends and sisters in sports.
Still, Skate Free or Die! survived the bout by relying on experience, bigger size on the line, a deeper jammer line-up, and stronger overall skaters. They out-defensed another outstanding defensive team, swarming all over the Clubbers jammers, while cashing in points on power jams while Utica was in the penalty box. They also out-positioned the Clubbers on the track, winning lead jammer at crucial moments, and taking stronger angles into every turn. They turned the game into a war of attrition and their bigger size and superior skating prowess scuttled a valiant upset bid from a plucky Utica side.
Nevertheless, for Central New Yorkers, the result was only a mildly deflating end to an otherwise glorious day of derby in the region. The new men's squad, "The Quadfathers," was introduced to an adoring public - over 430 attended the bout at Rome's JFK arena - in an exhibition which also featured members of the New York Shock Exchange and the Dirty Dozen of Western Mass's Pioneer Valley, two of the best men's squads in the world.
Additionally, Utica's other women's roller derby team, The Utica Rollergirls, shellacked the Hellions of Troy by an astonishing score of 203-95. They wallpapered the New Hartford Rec Center with them, pausing only to line up the stripes perfectly vertically from ceiling to floor and smooth out all the lumps. Nobody does that any more, not even the really class decorators. Considered a "little sister" to the Hellions of Troy, the Rollergirls were heavy underdogs and pulled off a stunning upset in dominating fashion.
"We played a rockin' game," gushed Jennifer "Jenerator 440" Ham, whose team fired on all cylinders from the opening whistle, racing out to a shocking 129-37 lead at the half. "All five of our jammers were effective because they are lightning quick, and our blockers were great at opening lanes so the jammers could flash through."
The score was an unmistakable statement: the Utica Rollergirls may be ready to challenge the Clubbers for women's roller derby supremacy along all of I-90. Sometimes friends, sometimes frenemies, and at all times cross-town rivals, the two squads are growing the sport in the region at a lightning-quick pace and garnering mainstream media attention in the press and on the radio. Unfortunately, unless plans change, the two teams won't face each other this year.
"I'd really enjoy a bout against the Clubbers," affirmed Andrea "Nader" Mercurio. "It's great for our small community to have two really strong teams that are also so dedicated to the sport and the derby lifestyle, and it would be a really fun event."
Words by Jayvor-Flav
Photos Courtesy of Utica Clubbers
NEWS AND NOTES
During introductions, The Chiropractor did the wrestling move "The Worm" again to the delight of the fans who howled their approval.
The poker-loving Gutshot wins best dressed and best name awards. She sported her "spades, clubs, hearts, diamonds" leggings and matching tu-tu. Even her number is poker: "5 6 - 8 9." Get it? A gutshot straight!
The Clubbers wore their home black for the last time: black boy-beaters with "Utica Clubbers" in silver script across the chest, black shorts or skirts, and black roller socks or stockings. Their new uniforms are black basketball-style jerseys with gold trim and red sides with black polka dots (polka dots??) and red panties or red short-shorts with black polka dots. They also unveiled a new and incongruous logo: "Utica Clubbers" written in a hard-to-read script and back-to-back brass knuckles that look more like a butterfly than a weapon.
I'll miss the old unis. The black-on-black looks more athletic and has cleaner lines: simple, beautiful, classic. But hey, if they win in the new outfit, that settles all arguments. If you win, you can skate in a burlap sack and pumps, which is essentially what Western Mass Destruction skates in regularlyïŠâ€¦and they're 7-1 in their last eight bouts!
New Hampshire wore pink tank-tops with script "Skate free or Die!" circling a bandana-wearing, scar-faced rollergirl's head, black shorts or skirts and black and pink or black and white stripes roller socks.
New members of the All-name team: Kim KarBASHyouIN, Melanie M. Falcon, Chicana Bruzya.
Is any sports halftime moment more endearing than watching The Chiropractor and Lady Die, having a few Marlboros outside? Kick-ass!
Derby sign of the night: "My mom hits harder than your mom!"
Crystal "Ivanna B. Vicious" Romain - "They had some phenomenal blockers, really solid blockers. You'd hit them and they wouldn't fall. They are massive and they can hit. You can't just slam into them with all your might, cause they're not gonna fall. They are solid, but agile. That will win a lot of bouts."
[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="425" caption="THE CHIROPRACTOR DOES "THE WORM""]
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