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Memo From the Sports Desk: Stop Using Drivel, be writers, thinkers

It’s time to get the following meaningless phrases out of the sports lexicon and time to give some REAL analysis instead.

1. “Step up” – as in “_____ has to step up during the playoffs.”

Thanks for nothing. All you are saying is that X has to play well or play better. But what exactly does he have to do? Hit better? Complete a higher percentage of passes? Make more long putts? Not give up as many points on defense? Throw more ground balls so the defense can make easy outs? What exactly?

No, anyone who just says “step up” has told you nothing and just wanted top fill space or on air screen time. “Step up” means nothing. If you hear it used, ask him what exactly he means. See if he can give you an answer that convinces you.

2. “Make plays” – This is the worst drivel ever invented. Its every bit as vapid, vacuous and meaningless as step up. Again, ask what plays he has to make. Catch more passes for first downs? Make more outside shots? Get more assists in hockey? Make the EXTRA pass? Get a higher pass completion percentage?

You can listen to ESPN and have them tell you all day long that Donavan McNabb has “got to step up and make plays” – which told you nothing more than he has to get points on the board – or you can have a real analyst tell you exactly what he has to do. For example, Donavan McNabb has got to complete more downfield passes for first downs and can therefore open up the running game which will keep the Chiefs defense off balance.”

More Ron Jaworski analysis, less Michael Irvin pedestrian nonsense. Example – Irvin actually said this when it came for several pre-game predictions (he’s dead last on ESPN by the way. As we say in my industry “99 with an anchor”) – “The Cowboys will win. They gonna make more plays than the Redskins.” That’s so useful. He actually gets paid for that. Real answer – “The Cowboys will win because they should capitalized on a critical special teams error by the Redskins” or “because their offensive line will dominate.”
Whoever the world-wide leader in sports truly is, they don’t just slide through “Roy Oswalt is gonna have to step up and make plays for the Astros in the playoffs” the say things like “Roy Oswalt is going to have to get ahead of hitters to set up the outside part of the plate to increase his strikeout-BB ratio and keep the ball down to serve up more ground balls for easy outs and timely double plays.”

3. “What’s going through your mind right now?” This is the worst question ever. It shows ZERO preparation or creativity form the reporter. This is why Jim Grey, Suzy Kolber and most other sideline reporters are seen as the bottom feeders they are. “You just won the The U.S. Open. What’s going through your mind right now?” What do you think? “Boy I have alot on my to-do list…,” “Did someone walk the dog?” “My golf clubs need a good cleaning.” Our intelligence is insulted and they look like they don’t know which end of the microphone is live. Try, “what was more important to your victory, your ability to get up and down from around Winged Foot’s greens or your driving accuracy which took double bogeys out of the equation?” It’s not that hard and you did go to journalism school and learn something, didn’t you?

4.  “What’s your take?” – I don’t have a take, I have an opinion, a position, an idea, an observation, but I certainly do not have a take and neither should anybody but Jim Rome and his fans.  “Take” is Jim’s schtick.  I’m sure he’s glad he got one of his slang words in to the mainstream lexicon, but it’s trite and overused.  Moreover it’s one thing coming out of the mouth of a contrarian hipster, it’s not hip coming form the mouth of 55 y/o coaching retreads who are on TV because they are in between coaching gigs.

Demand more from your sportswriter and analyst. Whatever is learned can be unlearned. With a little thought and preparation, they can give us useful information. Let them know we are not as stupid as they wish us to be and they’ll have no choice but to step up…I mean ask more intelligent, probing questions and provide solid analysis based on empirical data.

Fat, drunk, stupid and buying their crap – that’s how ESPN wants you. Refuse to be lowest common denominator. If they only want to “step up and make plays,” and give you a take
send them where they belong – the bush leagues.

Rant over, as you were.

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