As you know, soccer (futbol) is one of the other sports we cover around here on a world-wide basis, especially the World Cup and European Championship tournaments. We’ve had a good run – although Spain ruined my bracket last time when they refused to bow to Germany when they should have…
Anyway, while it’s a drag covering a sport whose corruption nearly equals that of NCAA football and tends to make Tim Finchem look like a Franciscan friar, the futbol is sublime. The imbecilic Sepp Blather must go, and so must a lot of the politically correct diversity drivel that resulted in Qatar and Russia getting handed the World Cup tournament over the U.S. and England. (Doesn’t money talk any more? Are we all that oil dependent now? Wait…don’t answer that…)
Well we can explore that question another day. For now, let’s break down the brackets like a fraction, with the ultimate question being who can dethrone defending Euro and World Champion Spain…and please hurry. Spain’s fans are quickly getting as obnoxious as Yankee fans.
(The teams’ FIFA world ranking appear in parentheses.)
Group A: Poland (66), Greece (14), Russia (12), Czech Republic (33).
Group B: Netherlands (3), Denmark (11), Germany (2), Portugal (7).
Group C: Spain (1), Italy (9), Croatia (8), Ireland (21).
Group D: Ukraine (55), Sweden (18), France (15), England (5).
Group A (Eastern Bloc Division) – Okay how is it not a single team better than 12th in the World is in this bracket while every team in Group B is 11th or better? Host Poland got a gargantuan break. But hey, it’s good to keep the hosts in the tourney as long as possible. We want the stands to be rockin’. It looks good on TV…Still the last time Greece played in the tournament opener they knocked off Portugal on their way to winning the whole enchilada.
Both Russia and the Czech Republic tend to play to the level of their competition, frequently underwhelming on the biggest stage. Greece stunned the planet by winning it all in ’04. Can they advance again? Why not? Because they aren’t at home and no one will take them lightly again.
Prediction: Russia and the Czechs advance.
Group B (NATO Division and Group of Death) – This is reedonkyulous. The worst team is ranked 11? Both World Number 2 and 3 in the same division?
“Why not just give them all machine guns?” groused soccer fan Jerry Hartan when he saw the draw. ‘And what’s with this “Eastern Europe” and “Western Europe” break down of the groups?
Hartan is right: This screams unfairness…to Portugal, so I guess the rest of us can stomach it, because the sight of that prissy little dick Christiano Renaldo soaked in victory champagne makes the rest of us want to vomit.
Prediction: Germany and the Netherlands advance. Renaldo whimpers.
Group C: This is like a Group of Near Death, with three more teams in the top 10. You must keep a close eye on Croatia, they could do damage. Poor Ireland. Well they can play spoiler…maybe…
Prediction: Italy and Spain
Group D: Is this a futbol grouping or a heavy metal fan convention? England gets a break, as usual, but can they do anything with it? They tend to underwhelm as often as Portugal. Does France scare anyone any more? Sweden? Please…
Ukraine had a good run in ’08, but will need to beat France to advance. Everyone say it with me: “England, if you fail to convert this penalty kick of a bracket…DON’T COME HOME!”
Prediction: England and France
We’ll also break down the knockout phase when the bracket is finalized.
NEWS, NOTES, AND QUOTES
With venues as far apart as Gdansk in northern Poland and Donetsk in southern Ukraine, (separated by a distance of around 2,500 kilometres…about 1,500 miles) fans and teams will have a lot of traveling to do.
