What’s Her Name, with the overbearing parents, phalanx of P.R.apologists, and vocal army of I-know-nothing-about-golf-I’m-just-on-a-golf-gender-bender supporters came in 10th in a rural LPGA tournament and, of course, got more press than the winner, (Jiyai Shin, if you hadn’t heard, which you likely didn’t).
Yet still we get What’s Her Name shoved down our throats because she supposedly moves casual eyeballs, (like that is supposed to matter to the golf demographic). Never mind that golf’s life-long, loyal, ardent fans who want to read about winners. Let’s just sell a non-story because it’s got a famous name attached, even though the name is now synonymous with mediocrity. Look here! Michelle Wie! She did something! We’re writing about her, and you must care! Never mind the scoreboard, she’s the real story! Isn’t it so brave and resolute the way she lines up three foot putts? Really, it’s so inspiring! You MUST believe us!
Well that is just pure, weapons-grade bolonium.
Look at this gibbering idiot from the Buffalo Picayune-Tattler, giving us the typical talking points we’ve heard for seven years, despite her career flame out.
Title: “Wie growing into a player the LPGA needs”
Reality: So the LPGA needs 10th place finishers who shoot 38 on the back nine, going bogey-double bogey-bogey in the clutch? And then sell us PR speak in Valley-girl language in her presser? Like totally! She’s like going to like win like next week. Fer shore, like totally awesome!
I’m right about that, that’s your story?
Article: “By the time she was 18, Wie was earning $19 million a year. ”
Reality: Not one dime of that came from winnings on any tour. That was endorsement money, for which she was overpaid. Put your hands in the air NOW if you buy a product because Michelle Wie – or any other golfer – endorses it. While we’re at it, she petered out in every big tournament she played in for the last three years. Last places, DQs, ruffled feathers: So I ask you…was it money well spent?
Article: “Wie is in her first year on tour, and it feels like a comeback.”
Reality: Wie is no longer being invited to play with the men. She hasn’t won an LPGA event. She failed to qualify for the Women’s U. S. Open for the first time in six years. Yes, she QUALIFIED for the LPGA through Q School, a move I highly commend and respect. But let’s not start up the giving it to her for free ride in the press for 10th place…she’s just getting her feet wet, she’s not conquering the tour like everyone predicted.
Article: “But if it were any other rookie, fans would marvel at her raw talent.”
Reality: If it were any other rookie, you wouldn’t be wasting ink on 10th place. Reality: No one cares about LPGA players, who shoot 38 on the back and come in 10th. Feels like a comeback? To who? Never forget the rallying cry of many rank-and-file LPGAers who lamented, “we work our butts off, and everything is just handed to her!”
Article: “If not for a 75 on Saturday—which included a 40 on the front—Wie could have done more than grabbing her fourth top 10 in 10 events this season.”
Reality: If not for the Dallas Cowboys, Washington Redskins and NY Giants, the Bills would have won four Super Bowls. If not for a missed 2-1/2 footer, Doug Sanders would have been the 1970 British Open winner. If not for those three second half goals, the U.S. would have won a FIFA event yesterday. You have a lot of nerve trying to pass that BS off as sports commentary. The world is littered with losers who lost “if not for” and who “could have…” That is NOT professional sports analysis.
Article: “There were some tough pin placements Sunday.”
Reality: Oh I get it! It’s the fault of the people who set up the pins. Don’t they know who Michelle Wie is? How dare they make it hard!
Poor Michelle, she’s so persecuted. It’s discrimination, I tell ya! A Valley girl just can’t get a break! News flash: Everybody else had the same pins. Jiyai Shin and the other nine people that beat Michelle had the same pins and they knocked ’em out of the hole. But hey, I have an idea! We could have special Michelle Wie pins every day! They could be pink with little ribbons! They could have rainbows and teddy bears and gum drops and be set in bowls that filter her ball closer to the hole! We could put flashing neon signs that point at it and read “Hole that-a way” and surround them with her fans who will sing “Silent in the Morning,” and lay rose petals at her feet as she walks on water to the hole! We could even cut the other pins – the one’s for all the people not named Michelle Wie – and those pins would be off the green in gnarly patches of rough, surrounded by quicksand puddles and with armed guards with Uzi who are instructed to shoot to kill any players who get within breathing distance. Is that better?
Article: “Wie had a rough time the last couple of years, partly because of a wrist injury.”
Reality: …and partly because she isn’t as good as everyone was led to believe in the first place.
Article: “It’s silly to compare her with Woods. By age 20, Woods had won six national amateur titles. Wie hasn’t won a thing since she was 13.”
Reality: Now that’s the first thing you’ve said right all day! The scoreboard never lies.
Article: “She’s having a solid rookie season. Entering the Wegmans, Wie was 18th on the money list.”
Reality: Why are we supposed to care about 18th place? Because it got an undeserved $19 million dollar endorsement deal? Or because you ordered us to like her before, ordered us to bow to the Female Tiger, and were proved horribly, horribly wrong and now you have to grasp at straws to save face?
Article: When she learns to avoid those meltdowns, Wie can be a dominant player on the women’s tour.”
Reality: And when the Mets learn to play 9th innings they can win playoff games.
In the apologist’s world, the Bills won those four Super Bowls, the Sabers actually beat the Stars that one year for the Stanley Cup, and the Buffalo Braves are still in the NBA. Now there’s a sports writer with an observant eye and an original voice.
Here’s a reality check.
1. She failed to qualify for this year’s Women’s U.S. Open, so every lugnut talking about “she could be the first woman to play in both the men’s open and women’s open at Pinehurst in 2014” can have a nice hot cup of shut the hell up.
2. She finished ten shots behind the leader in a small field LPGA tournament.
3. After supposedly “surging into contention” she shot 38 on the back. Which means she choked in the clutch. Good players learn to close. She’s still folds as badly as she always has. 12-13-14, bogey-double bogey-bogey, see ya. Yet she still bee-esses us at pressers. “There were bad bounces,” and “I won’t do that from now on. No more mistakes.”
Yeah, we believe that.
Look, I’m all for a comeback, and it will be a nice story when Michelle finally does win. I want her to win. I’m all for redemption and second chances. But let’s not continue to kid ourselves. She’s not the greatest female player to pick up a club. After Annika disappointed all the gender benders by seeing the writing on the wall – that a woman would have a hard time competing on the PGA Tour week in and week out just to make a cut – the Gender Warriors still didn’t get it, so they tried to force Michelle down our throats…
…and ruined her in the process.
I feel terrible for Michelle that she couldn’t have a normal childhood or college experience.
I feel bad for her that an army of apologists enabled her to make mistakes that alienated so many LPGA players and rank and file golf fans across the country.
I feel awful that she has the worst sports parents on earth. You know when she’ll win? When her parents stay home, and when the press is away covering something else.
But I’m also not going to start the runaway express again. Would Morgan Pressel have gotten the same ink for 10th? Or Ochoa? Or Creamer. When she dominates, then we can revisit the issue. Until then, she’s just 1 of 156.
Michelle is just another excellent, professional female golfer…the same as the rest of the crop with which she competes, until the scorecard and winners circle say differently.
And please Michelle, for the sake of decency, take some lessons in public speaking. Hang out more with Paula Creamer and Morgan Pressel.
As for those who can’t see the train coming until it runs you over, go sell crazy somewhere else, real sports fans have no call for it. If her 10th – 18th place finishes are “growing into a story the LPGA needs,” then I’m Arnold Palmer.
