As usual, Steve Elling is putting on a dominating Tiger-esque performance (As a writer! Not a porn wannabee!) in the best review of Jaime Diaz/Hank Haney’s book on Tiger, “The Big Miss.”
From the article:
“9. Toilet humor and Tiger
This is not a real revelation, since Woods’ comedy leanings are scatological and sophomoric at best and his infantile gas-passing duels with former caddie Steve Williams were often overheard by galleries and TV microphones. “Sometimes he was clever or droll, but often what tickled him most was something as mindless as belching,” Haney wrote. Haney said Woods watched the episode of South Park — one of his favorite shows — that featured him plowing into the fire hydrant and oak tree, and seemed somewhat honored to have been featured on the bawdy series….
….Stuff that won’t be on Tiger’s tombstone
Woods was told by his father that he had been placed on this planet to do extraordinary things, to be bigger than Gandhi, a quote everybody recalls with rolling eyeballs. Raised as an only child, the degree to which his environment shaped his psyche and caused him to blossom as a player prompted the most remarkable passage in the book. “But those qualities, foremost among them an extraordinary ability to focus and stay calm under stress, also included selfishness, obsessiveness, stubbornness, coldness, ruthlessness, pettiness and cheapness. When they were all at work in the competitive arena, they helped him win. And winning gave him permission to remain a flawed and in some ways immature person.” Nailed it.”
The only thing I disagree with is the claim by Elling that this is “the most anticipated book in golf history,” that’s over the top. It’s just a kiss and tell with some juicy tidbits about Tiger being cheap, scatological, mean, rude, etc., but lacks any of the white-hot lightning strikes of the sex scandal itself, such as any details of lurid tete-a-tetes with cheap floozies, and ghastly pancake waitresses. “Go to the bathroom and take a picture,” “Take your name off your phone,” “Have you ever had a golden shower,” and “You’re my little coffee cup,” are far more scandalous and damning than most of the semi-expected revelations of “The Big Miss.” Indeed, the Haney allegation that shocks me the most is Woods’s insisting on playing XXX porn on the TV when he was rooming with Zach Johnson. Is that to make up for his daring to beat Woods at the Masters in ’07? My guess is probably…
Still, Jaime is riding a hot streak as the newly minted Lifetime Achievement Award winner from the PGA of America, and the newly crowned editor-in-chief of Golf Digest. It’ll be money well spent for some interesting leisure reading, and hey, if it turns one sycophantic casual fan who believes everything he hears on TV into a free-thinking Tiger-skeptic, the book did the job it should have done – expose him as the women-demeaning vulgarian he is. As usual, many in the golf media are whitewashing everything because they are pre-conditioned, afraid of change, and addicted to casual eyeballs. For all the rest of us who put golf’s virtue above ratings, we’ll never forget what a black eye he gave the game’s virtue after the game gave him the World.
Meanwhile, welcome to the Honor Roll Jaime Diaz. Take the seat between Elling and Marino Parascanzo. Meeting will come to order soon:)
