It’s not what he said, but how he said it – and although Tiger Woods “apologized” it was forced, defiant, ambiguous, and most of all insincere. which means he’s still done little to rehabilitate his shattered image.
“It was totally phony” said one prominent, award-winning journalist. “He only did this for endorsements, but most endorsers won’t buy it. He wasn’t contrite or sincere enough, and at times he scolded people, such as the media. This was not the time or place to scold. He was there to apologize, but now all the world saw him still wagging his finger at us and tut-tutting.”
Indeed, Woods’s words rang empty. On the one hand he said, “I don’t get to play by different rules. The same boundaries that apply to everyone apply to me,” but 1) he is pandered and enabled by Timid Finchem – free use of the Tour’s HQ at his beck and call -and 2) he again refused to answer questions about the scandal and told us in so many words not to ever expect answers or explanations.
“If he’s been rehearsing this for weeks and paid $100,000 for that statement, it was a failure. I give he and his advisors an F for both strategy and execution,” said our anonymous reporter, a life-long sports journalist. “This was all about the endorsers and the friendlies. But Accenture won’t take him, he torpedoed them. Nike will stick with him.”
He got that right. Woods could turn into a werewolf and bite the head off a kid and they and Finchem would downplay it and ask for his privacy to be respected.
“Tiger did the worst thing he could have done. He growled and lashed out at the media again. Which means he’s a hopeless case.”
In the most damning blow, Elin not there, and until she’s convinced, we should not be.
S.I’s Gary Van Sickle gave a slightly more beneficial review. “I give him a decent grade, but he’s got to back it up. He did better than A-Rod and McGwire. He did insert a commercial about the foundation and could have had better tone. It was bad acting…he won’t get an Oscar.”
Gloria Allred, high-octane attorney for porn star Joslyn James and socialite/party planner/newly-minted talk show host Rachel Uchitel called Woods’ address “a staged public relations stunt” and “a disgrace.”
Fans were equally perplexed. “What a loser,” said Julie Zimmerman, a life-long golf fan from Minesota. “Nobody could really believe him reading in that ‘learned-by-heart’ mousy voice. The only time he showed any life was to scold the media.”
Avid golfer Elmo Vada agreed. “I give him a C+. It could have been better, but he is a golfer.”
Most women are still slamming Woods for his serial philandering. “I’m glad Elin hit him,” said golf fan Nancy Carpenter. “Guys who do what he did are lucky to get off as easily as he did, although I guess I shouldn’t be saying ‘get off’ around him too loudly. I’m with Elin. Make him squirm, if you have to take him back at all.”
