LPGA List of Banned Substances – Clomid is there, but no HGH or Heroin

This LPGA list of banned substances is all over the map.  Clomid, an anti-estrogen drug IS on the list, happily.  The presence of clomid or other anti-estrogens is, according to Selena Roberts of the New York Times, a sure-fire guilty sign around an athletes neck.

Sadly, there are wide gaps in the list as well.  OK so nobody will be using heroin, so I can’t gripe about that being missing.  If any LPGA player were to ride the horse, she’d have a heck of a lot more to worry about than her performance on the golf course.  Go see the movie Trainspotting and then tell me how fast a career would disappear into a stygian void.

Nevertheless, HGH – the drug of choice these days – is not on the list.  Moreover, where’s Winsterol? Deca?  There’s a whole bunch of drugs Barry Bonds took that are not on this list.  Ot’s woefully inadequate.

Here’s what I read between the lines.  This incomplete, seemingly haphazard list (cocaine yes, heroin no) was the result of significant compromise and negotiation.  I can understand there being some give and take, but to anyone with a serious notion of truly catching cheaters, failure to include anything Barry Bonds took – especially Human Growth Hormone – is not merely a colossal blunder, but dissemblance at best.

And no, nobody believed Jill Pilgrim’s disingenuous excuse that they’re not testing for HGH because there’s no proof anyone’s using HGH.  The same could be said of each and every drug on the list.  There’s no proof anyone used Clomid either, but that got on the list.

Who loses?  Your kids do.  Ignoring the dangerous scourge of high school usage by not testing at the highest levels emboldens teen usage by implicit imprimatur.

The game loses too.  Now we lie thorugh our teeth and with a straight face that the game is clean when we know we’ve provided Mapquest.com turn-by-turn directions on what to use and how NOT to get caught.  Smile and wave everybody!  Look Annika’s on the committee, so it HAS to be lilywhite! Why do YOU think she’s on there?  After all she says herself “I dont know the first thing about any of these drugs except caffeine,” so what use is she other than a smiling face and bad “Jedi Mind Trick?  Nothing to see here!  Move along!  These aren’t the droids you’re looking for!