It’s the cross-branding concept du jour: celebrities releasing fragrances. Look at this list of Celebutards with celebuscents: Kate Moss, The Black Eyed Peas, Sarah Jessica Parker, Pam Anderson [joke removed by editors], Kim Kardashian P.Dippy…errr..P.Diddy, Mariah Carey, (which the ads say smells like roasted marshmallows and Moroccan incense, you can’t make this up), Beyonce, Twitney Spears, Amy Winehouse, (Amy Winehouse?!), Nelly, and…wait for it…Paris Hilton’s “Fairy Dust.”
Now we have Annika Sorenstam – arguably this generation’s greatest golfer – trying to jump start a post-sports career. Football players open steakhouses and car dealerships, women gravitate towards fashion. So Annika has released “Annika,” the perfume.
They ought to call it “Vanillaka” because the overpowering tone is vanilla, with the next prominent aroma as sandalwood. It was heavier than I expected, and seemed unbalanced without any noticeable hint of flowers, citrus, or ocean mist to mull the pungent spices. Additionally, while advertisements show the liquid as clear, it is really an olive greenish-brown, matching the woody, spicy scent.
“It doesn’t smell like I expected, and it doesn’t smell very ‘golfy,'” chirped Jeanette, a nubile, young NoHo resident. “It needs some more flowers.”
“It almost smells like something a boy might wear,” said a skeptical Britt Bonsoleil, wrinkling her nose. “I need something lighter. This seems very European. Is Annika, like, Swedish or something?”
Right first time, Britt. Annika is Swedish, and you may be on to something with your analysis. Europeans, in particular the French, like a heavier fog of scents than American women. As if on cue, Blanka, a Czech immigrant, gave a nod of approval. “It’s okay, it’s a nice casual scent. It’s musky, but not overpowering. You have to just wear it at the right time.”
Indeed Blanka has some idea how to assess fragrances. According to “FragranceX.com,” “Fragrantica,” (two websites I’m told are the best references for all things fragrant), and other experts, you rate fragrances on two major categories: style and occasion. Styles could be “casual,” “classic,” “modern,” “romantic,” and “teen,” for example. Occasions are what you’d expect: everyday, intimate, office, special, golf, or vacation.
To my disappointment, the style of “Annika” is far too casual, and rich. I want my girl to smell light and fresh. Hence I buy her Hanae Mori, (pronounced HA-nuh Mo-RAY). If I want my girl to smell of vanilla and sandalwood, I’ll take her to a Phish concert.
Next, choosing the right occasion to wear “Annika” could be a problem. It’s too overpowering for intimate settings, there is just too much vanilla. It doesn’t fit for the golf course since there are no strong tones of light flowers, sweet berries, or ocean breezes. I guess you could wear it to the office, as it’s neutral and musky so you won’t be accused of trying to seduce your boss. As for everyday, it just doesn’t have the personality or pizzazz of the great female scents.
“I wear Hanae Mori,” confirmed Britt. “It’s light and fresh, bubbly and effervescent, yet elegant. I can wear it anywhere!”
You can also tell a good perfume because it stays on the market for a long time, and Hanae’s popularity has grown in the few years it’s been out. With hints of citrus, flowers and sea spray, it’s for any woman on any occasion, from formal to everyday.
Of course the Gold Standard of iconic perfumes is still Chanel No. 5, continuously on sale since 1921, and worn by starlets and royalty. “I’ve worn Chanel No. 5 since my Trinity College days,” said a proudly loyal Lila Morris Hyde. “I don’t use a lot of make-up, or hair products, but I need my perfume every day, and Chanel is the only brand I have used ever since!” Chanel No. 5 has long been known for is elegant and daringly seductive aroma. Even Hermione Granger of Hogwarts fame never brewed a more potent love potion. Interestingly, Chanel No. 5 has vanilla and sandalwood, but also roses and other flowers, where Annika has milder, more neutral “white flowers,” gardenias, and pepper.
“I wear Burberry Brit,” said Jeanette. “It’s stylish enough to go out in the city, yet simple enough to wear all the time, and it smells nice and fresh.” Brit also has berries and rose attar.
Interestingly, those looking to find a golf-friendly scent would have to shopping for cologne, not perfume. Lacoste’s “Essential” is a golf course in a bottle. “It does smell like freshly cut grass,” agreed Jeanette. With sickeningly sweet overtones of lime, grass and flowers, keep away from open flames and beehives. Men would do better with Vera Wang for formal occasions – strong and woody – Acqua Di Gio, light and citrusy, for everyday occasions and Ralph Lauren Blue for something in between the two.
Moreover, Annika has too high a price tag. Most premium perfumes run $60 a bottle for the small size, $85 for the large, maybe $90. But “Annika” can cost as much as $79 for the small, and $109 for the large, almost $20 more than the next highest brand from a well-respected company on sale in Sephora stores or at Fragrantica.com or FragranceX.com. It seems as though we’re paying extra for Annika’s name, even though this is her first foray into the celebuscent craze and the offering is somewhat underwhelming.
Perhaps Annika might have better luck releasing a line of classy dresses with Burberry or Dior or another fine label. That would fit her classy, stylish idiom. If she’s feeling adventurous, perhaps Custo or Issey Miyake might offer enough color and style to allow Annika to cross brand and cross demographics, especially since they cater to a young, hip generation with gobs of liquid cash to burn.
If she must do perfume, well we can give her one mulligan. She’s been our birdie-buddy for too long not to get a free drop, but please Annika, something lighter and fresher next time…like spring at Augusta.
In the meantime, as if we needed more evidence that celebutards and celebuscents is a fad that needs to end soon, I present Exhibit “A” – Lindsay Lohan. Lohan – airhead that she is – got confused by a cake at the recent “Velvet” fragrance launch sponsored by Victoria’s Secret. According to the press, “Lohan mistook the cake – baked in the shape of a giant perfume bottle – for the real thing, and put her hand out to lean on it. An onlooker at the Lexington Avenue store said, “She accidentally poked a hole right in the middle of it.”” Lohan and Brazilian lingerie model Alessandra Ambrosio just laughed.
If that’s what “LiLo” did at the Victoria’s Secret party, one can only wonder about the wild things P.Dippy did with his scent.
