It’s not a dog and pony show, it’s a shell game. A dog and pony show has the potential of being true, if a little campy and delivered with some slick marketing. A shell game on the other hand is exactly what “Michelle Wie against reality the men” has become – a false bill of goods. Let’s debunk a few of the myths the mainstream media and the gender warriors tried to foist upon knowledgeable golf fans: fans that are rapidly growing impatient with the meritocracy of golf being flaunted with every undeserved sponsor’s exemption.
1. “Michelle Wie is a female Tiger Woods” – No, she certainly is not. Tiger WINS. Michelle does not. Tiger won three U.S. Junior Amateur titles. Michelle Wie never won either the girls junior or the boys junior. In short, Michelle never achieved against the women what Tiger accomplished against the men three times.
Tiger Woods owns three U.S. Amateur titles. Michelle never won the Women’s Amateur or the Men’s Amateur. In short, Michelle never accomplished against the women what Tiger accomplished against the men three times.
In her first twelve major championships, Michelle never won. She had six finishes between 2nd and 5th. In his first twelve majors, Tiger won twice. In his next year, Tiger won three in a row and completed a “slam” of sorts by winning the 2001 Masters for four majors in a row. In short, Michelle has never accomplished what Tiger did twice in the same time period and shows no signs she will ever win a women’s slam or a men’s major. With the harsh spotlight of pressure on, Tiger closes and Michelle folds, even against the women. Logical Conclusion? Until she can dominate play against the women like Annika, she should not be teeing it up on the tips with the men.
2. “Michelle has earned her chance to play with the men because of her accomplishments at age 13” – There is no question that her winning a USGA event at 13 was startling, but we are starting to see a lot more child prodigies in golf much like we have for some time with tennis and gymnastics. While Michelle was the first, certainly she is not the only. Kimberly Kim won the much more important Women’s US Amateur at age 14- and nobody is talking about her! More importantly…and interestingly…no one is calling for her to take Wie’s place in men’s tournaments in this bid to force a women-making-a-cut-against-the-men down the public’s throat in an endeavor to therefore prove women play the game as well as men. She also never foolishly insulted the LPGA by saying “I think I’d just get bored” playing against the women.
Michelle is more like Freddy Adu or Danny Almonte. And so much for “Baby Pele” and “Baby Pedro.” In fact, with the exception of Tiger, every media-anointed child prodigy has flamed out like Mrs. O’Leary barn. Listen to this “Murderer’s Row” of “Household names” who trounced her by five shots or more: Shane Bertsch, Paul Goykos, Ryuji Imada, David Branshaw, Tripp Isenhour, Brendon de Jonge, Doug LaBelle II, Boo Weekley (BOO WEEKLEY!!!), Kaname Yokoo, Yusako Miyazato, George McNeill, Charlie Wi, Azuma Yano…I could go on and on…she only beat one guy, Abe Vigoda…err…Abe Mariano, a local club pro.
I hear their gonna start a support group. “Hello, my name is Abe and Michelle Wie beat me one day…” “Hello, Abe…”
While we’re at it, 16 y/o Tadd Fujikawa – a year younger and a foot shorter – shot 71.
3. “Michelle is one of the 100 most important people to shape our world.” Oh please. She plays a game for a living. It’s so socially relevant and paradigm shifting the way she plays freaking golf. She’s so resolute the way she lines up three foot putts. You want an inspiring kid? How about the girl surfer who lost her arm in the shark attack. That’s true mettle, to come back from that. How about the child prodigy kids who graduate Ivy League schools at 14 and then work in heart disease or cancer research labs. They shape our world. Michelle shapes a politically charged agenda for nimrods who call for “integrated tours” that will NEVER happen.
Further, no matter how poorly Michelle does, (and it has been a steady diet of “abysmal,” after all, most of you couldn’t pick out those guys I listed above out of a team photo of Duke Ellington’s band), she always seems to scrape exemptions onto men’s events from downtrodden tour stops where everyone else has to earn admission through achieving results on the scoreboard. Seven straight missed cuts and several dead last or second-to-dead last finishes to a competitor who earned his tour card means less food on the table, but Michelle has millions in the bank for endorsements. She can go years and years before she actually has to get a single positive result cut wise.
Just look at what happened yesterday? (Jason’s full article is here.)
It was a simple white sign featuring bold, black lettering. Confiscated once for appearing on Waialae Country Club property, then covered up a second time by Sony Open tournament marshals, it now hung on a tree in Ira Helfer’s backyard, bordering the course’s first fairway some 285 yards from the teebox.
The sign read: “WIE??? WHY!!!”
“Take it however you want to take it,” said Helfer, who has lived here for 22 years. But he quickly qualified his position. “I’m against her being on the men’s tour. She hasn’t earned this.”
It’s not exactly an original thought. The widely held belief that Michelle Wie hasn’t paid her dues, that her means of repeatedly receiving sponsors’ exemptions to gain undeserved entry into PGA Tour events for which she is overmatched, continues to gain momentum from fellow players, media and, of course, golf fans like Helfer.
Yet despite two duck hooks, a wormburner (WORMBURNER!) a shot that totaled TEN YARDS and two doubles and six bogeys, there’s Michelle offering more doublespeak the Big Brother of 1984 fame:
“I actually feel really confident about my swing,” she said. “I totally forgot about the front-nine because that wasn’t even worth thinking about. I mean, it was pretty bad. The last nine holes, I felt like I really got my game going and I can really shoot a low score tomorrow.”
Two duck hooks, a wormburner, two palm trees and a ten yard shot? If I want to see that, I’ll bring along my camcorder along next time I tee it up on Sunday with my lunkhead entertainment industry golf buddies. Talk about putting the “I” in “we.” The last two times she said the same thing like what she said yesterday – and it’s pretty often after the number of tough round ones – she shot 80. However, the Sony is played on her home course. If she shoots anything higher that 75, she should be bitterly disappointed. But Michelle’s handlers make sure Michelle is never disappointed.
How can she be disappointed? Results don’t apply to her. She can come in last all she likes…even on her home course. There are always tournaments and courses in sore need of exposure that will stoop to swallowing a little pride, spending gobs of slush cash and turning the game into a novelty act. I’ll bet you dinner at Mesa Grill in Manhattan (one of Bobby Flay’s places) that the casino rulers of Atunyote at Turning Stone Casino invite Michelle to play in their post Fed-Ex Cup tournament this fall. After all, all the big names will be taking the week off. But I warn you, I’m not a cheap date. (…and I’ll have the venison and prickly pear margarita).
There is an easy solution. Give the winner of the LPGA Championship a bid to the men’s PGA Championship. If a woman wins three LPGA events in a row or seven in a season, she gets a bid to some men’s tourney the following year. Perhaps the Ladies POY gets an automatic bid. But anything is better than this media anointed marketing team protected farce that has destroyed all sense of merit in the game. The sign says it all – the fans are rebelling. “I dont know which is more marketing gibberish, the FEDEX Cup or Michelle Wie” moaned one high school golf coach who spoke on condition of anonymity. “The stewardship of the game is in the hands of people who care more about maximizing every dollar than about protecting the integrity of the tour’s reputation and the game itself. Both the Fedex Cup and Michelle are fads, little marketing ploys that real golf fans see right through.”
Results? Who cares. She has handlers, endless money, the fawning adulation of well wishing gender warriors and never has to pay the check for her rounds in the 80s. Go ahead, dress like your going to a Phish concert, run your entourage over everyone like a hip-hop posse, and tell everyone “Get used to it.”
When you have a free ride, low scores are for chumps.
Editor’s Note: Hat tip to Jonas of Gonzales E Gonzales (one of the best Mexican Restaurants in Manhattan) for the article title.
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