It appears we have the makings of a quarterback controversy when it comes to our football picks this season. A lackluster 4-4 week by our intrepid Ernesto the Prediction Iguana makes the season totals 42-16-1. That stat is misleading, however, as Barstow the Cat’s three-week appearance subbing in accounted for 16 of those wins, balanced against just three losses. If Ernesto keeps flagging, we’re gonna start Barstow in the playoffs – and that would be a first in the six-year history of this column.
Still, Ernesto always surges late, so we’re hopeful he can close the season with a red-hot run. Here are this week’s picks:
GREEN LIGHT!
Bengals (-1.5) at BROWNS
That was NOT a “kick-6” that beat the Browns last night; it was a blocked field goal returned for a TD. A “kick-6” is where they try to kick the field goal, but it misses wide or short, and the other teams returns it for a TD. What happened to Alabama in the Iron Bowl in 2013 – that’s a kick-6. Last night? Not a kick-6. Rant over, as you were…
PATRIOTS (-5.5) vs. Eagles
The Eagles must fire whoever came up with the idea of signing Mark Sanchez. Speaking of Sanchez, cut him right now, and send in the monkeys.
OVER EASY!
RAMS-Cardinals OVER 37.5
Two teams going in opposite directions – since topping the Cards in Week 4, the Rams have won just twice (against the sinking Niners and the lousy Browns), while Arizona has won its last five. Carson Palmer should be able to move the ball well against the up-and-down Rams secondary, while rookie running back Todd Gurley has been a bright spot for the normally anemic St. Louis offense.
BILLS-Texans OVER 36.5
It’s supposed to be 50 degrees and sunny in Buffalo this weekend, and that’s a loooooooooow number for a Bills team that can move the ball vertically. Unless the Texans forget how to find the stadium on Sunday, they should add enough points on the board to keep up…at least for three quarters. Play the percentages and take the over.
DANGER WILL ROBINSON!
Panthers (-1) at SAINTS
The Saints have no defense and the Panthers do. As long as the Panthers don’t beat themselves with turnovers, they should show Brees and the rest of the Saints a clean pair of heels.
Broncos (+3) at CHARGERS
Move over Bucky Freaking Dent…meet Brock Freaking Osweiler, at least as he’s known in Massachusetts. And you thoughht that Bill Belichick looked like Grumpy Cat BEFORE Sunday night…
