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Steve Czaban vs. Alan Shipnuck on Michelle Wie

Here Wie go again.  Catfight in 3…2…1…This time it’s the voice of the Great American Sportsman (Hominus Sporticus Americanum), Steve Czaban, versus the venerable double first place GWAA award-winning Alan Shipnuck of SI.com…

One of the 100 most influential people who shape our world?  Please...
One of the 100 most influential people who shape our world? Please...

When it comes to the LPGA, I like what Dan Jenkins wrote about it…

The LPGA will soon have:
(a) A tournament in Nairobi.
(b) A tournament in Kurdistan.
(c) A tournament in Sevastopol.
(d) A new commissioner.

Anyway, back to macro…Czaban bashing Wie versus Shipnuck praising her…

I’m of two minds about this.  I love Ship, and I love Czabe.  I’m just the vessel here.  Here are some ways the debate rages – Czabe’s criticisms on Ship’s story are in bold and parentheses, like this:

Ship:  The only thing Wie doesn’t have in abundance is the knowledge of how to close out a tournament.

Czabe:  (Like Joseph Hazelwood only lacked an abundance of knowledge on how to get a supertanker filled with oil safely into harbor. But on the open water, the dude was a beast!)

Ship: Her last victory at any level was the 2003 U.S. Women’s Public Links,

Czabe:  (G– damn editors MADE me put that in there! Arrrggggghhhh!)

Ship:  and her final round at the SBS will be remembered for a messy double bogey on the 11th hole and the short birdie putt she blew on number 16 to end her bid. But Wie didn’t lose the tournament

Czabe:  (nah… course not. She’s a winner people. She just doesn’t um… win… yet…)

Ship:  so much as Angela Stanford took it away, and that, too, counts as one of last week’s salient developments. Wie still led by a shot after her double, but Stanford ruthlessly birdied three holes

Czabe:  (that [expletive deleted])

Ship:  in a row beginning on the 13th.”

Then there was this exchange:

Ship:  So Wie swallowed her pride and paid the fee to enter Q school, just like all the other dreamers and wannabes.

Czabe:  (She took it from the pile of money labelled “Sony Endorsement” which left her with only $29,996,312.16 left.)

Ship:   Her raw talent has never been questioned,

Czabe:  (and remember, she’s the only woman with “raw talent” okay…)

Ship:  but plenty in the golf cognoscenti have wondered if Wie has the commensurate amount of heart and resolve. She answered most of the doubters at Q school, the most pressure-packed tournament in the game,

Czabe:  (aside from the majors and the Solheim Cup, but I mean it’s close)

Ship:  at which she played near-flawless golf

Czabe:  (another “near flawless” effort! Amazing!)

Ship:  en route to earning her spot on the LPGA tour.

Czabe:  (Note to Editors: Do I have to mention that she only finished tied for 7th? No. Good. Leave that out.)

Ship:  When Wie floated off the final green at LPGA International,

Czabe:  (Whoa!  A new superpower: actual levitation!)

Ship:  she flashed what had to be her biggest smile in years.

AWITP Reaction:  One of the “rules” of journalism I hate, and a beast I will not feed, is the mantra of “where heroes don’t exist, it is necessary to invent them.”  Well lets get something perfectly straight.  Never buy into the “coverage.”  Remember last year when Tiger said the Grand Slam was reasonably attainable, then petered out down the stretch at Augusta?  Hype!  He handed down a benediction from on high, and then we all went scrambling like rabbits to relay the blessing.

Then one dingbat girl power blogger even wrote that we were going to get TWO grand slams last year!  Tiger and Lorena!  (Protester 1:  What do we want?  Protester 2:  Women as good as men in golf at the highest level!  Protester 1:  When do we want it?  Protester 2:  Now!) When a reader challenged her to a bet, “if there is no double grand slam, she gives $1,000 to charity” she backpedaled faster than Willie Mays chasing a fly ball, asking for “odds.”

Michelle is just a good pro female golfer:  no more, no less.  But with the word out that Annika had enough against the boys, we were desperate for a female Tiger.  Instead, as Kevin Cook wrote in Driven, instead of Tiger we got Ty-ger…as in Ty Tryon.

Ship is right that she’ll have  great LPGA career.  Czabe is right that it’s her limit.  Hitherto shalt she come…but no further.  She’ll make some money for the LPGA tour, but there are plenty of other great stories out there too and golf fans will read them and embrace them.  America’s Sweetheart is Paula Creamer.  Period.  End of discussion.  You can walk 360 degrees around Paula and there is no dark side.  Michelle has baggage, insane handlers, an entourage more “entitled” that that found at an MTV gig, and the craziest parents I have ever seen in sports, maybe in any entertainment industry.  They actually asked if they could live with her in the dorm at Stanford.  No wonder they weren’t allowed on campus for a while, and no wonder Michelle’s head is creamed corn.  She was 18 and had the baggage of a 33-year old.

Ship is right, Michelle will write a lot of great golf stories over the years.  Czabe is right, they won’t be at the Masters or Ryder Cup.  So let’s everybody put down the Kool-Aid and slowly back away.  Maybe that way, Michelle can have a chance to breathe…and grow…and play.

As for Czabe and Ship, *DING DING DING*  That’s the bell, go to your corners till it rings again for the next round.

I’ll close with this thought from Hemingway: “I do not follow the flighty, fickle, or false fashions in politics, academics, or pop culture. They’ll swing one way, then they’ll swing right back, and yellow bastards will swing both ways and tell you they swung neither.

In the meantime, if someone wants to sell you that she’s St. Michelle, don’t take that guff lying down.  Always ask yourself, “what are they trying to sell me?”

Author’s Note:  We spoke with both SHip and Czabe before publication. Everybody is happy.

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