It was a wild week for Ernesto the Prediction Iguana, our intrepid animal kingdom prognosticator. He went 4-2, but by the skin of his teeth as he looked to go 1-5 early on. Thank you Patriots for your dominance and Ravens for the back door cover. The season total stands at 10-8.
Ernesto got a stern talking to this weekend. He goes on vacation every November and the cats come in to take his place until December, but if he doesn’t start to come around soon, he may not get the starting job back. Ernesto, we are sick of this Tony Romo just above .500 nonsense, comprende? It’s time to rattle off a perfect week.
So here’s this week’s picks, submitted under threat of going to work on Ernesto with a metaphoric pair of pliers and a blowtorch. [Author’s Note: We use odds from www.vegasinsider.com, do -team teasers that move the line six points either way you choose, HOME TEAM IN CAPS.]
GREEN LIGHT
raiders +5 at BUCCANEERS
vikings +1.5 at BEARS
Two road dogs, but two hot hands. The 5-2 Raiders lead the AFC West, while the Bucs look like the Yuckaneers of the bad old days. Still, this is a test – can Oakland win a road game against a clearly inferior opponent? The kind of game they lost all too frequently in the past. By the way, you can take that exact same paragraph and substitute “Vikings” for “Raiders to the same effect.
AMBER ALERT
BEARS-vikings UNDER 47.5
PANTHERS-cardinals UNDER 55
Someone please cue up that great song “The Bears Still Suck.”
Would someone like to explain what the hell that mess was on Sunday Night Football last week? A 6-6 tie? That’s more like a 1916 score. What was that Ernesto said last week about it being an OVER league?
RED ZONE
COWBOYS-eagles OVER 37
COLTS chiefs UNDER 55.5
Those nutjobs we were laughing at who said Dallas would win the NFC this year? They may not be so nutty. Philly is streaky – they destroyed Pittsburgh and toppled unbeaten Minnesota, but they lose to the Lions and Redskins? That’s the textbook definition of playing to the level of your competition. And since Dallas can be equally mercurial, take the over and stay away from the other plays altogether.
TEST PICK – FOR DEGENERATES ONLY
The Patriots EVEN at the BILLS, and UNDER 53
